Finally!!! MnO presentation is over!!! Time to be a full time mugger..

Today's Shirley's birthday.. we went to her house to celebrate her birthday. Haha.. It was supposed to be a surprise birthday celebration (arranged by her bf) for her.. haha.. But, she came in too early.. haha.. and we were found out. Haha.. trust guys to arrange a surprise birthday party. There was also not enough food when we first got there, so we ordered pizza, so that there'll be enough food to go around.. But, we anaged to get her into the pool without her suspecting anything.. *Good work RUDI!!!* Quite a number of ex-TJ people were there.. (Shirley from TJ wad.. haha...) Haha.. had a good time just sitting around and eating and watching tv... Of course we were bitching quite a bit on how pathetic heartlanders is and commenting on the McDonald Kids..

Mel just told me there there'll be a free dinner at Ritz CArlton on Saturday. *wow* But, 1 condition attached.. I have to be someone's date.. Hmmm... Still haven't decided.. sounds good.. but.. Oh well..

M in Visual Basic tutorial lesson now.. dunno wad he is dronning on about....... hiazz...

TIME TO BUCK UP!!!

Doing my MnO project... A lot of clips to edit and all... Last night was a long night.... Tonight will be even longer... *groan*...*yawn*... Exams are in 2 week's time!!! and I'm not even on full swing study yet!!!!

STRESSED!!!

My eyes are totally swollen from yesterday's sobbing session as I was thinking about everything.. and that erupted into anger. Feeling better today, but whenever i think of it, i'm still a little pissed.

Anyway, that's not the main thing of today's blog. Today is Daryl's Baptism, so BnS went down to support him. We got him a card and a t-shirt which says on the front "Just been dunked" and on the back "Baptism. Been there done that" It's a yellow t-shirt printed with red words.. haha... Actually, almost couldn't make it for his Baptism, cos had SPP in school from 1pm-3pm. But, thank God, SPP ended at 1.45pm, so I managed to make it down in time...

Had quite a good experience of praying for 10mins with no agenda and taking captive of every tot that came to mind, and commit it to GOD during BnS. 10 mins passed so fast without me even knowing!!! And, managed to get some work done at Ben and Gen's house. Hehe.. Thanks Ben and Gen! and Gen, thanks for dinner!!! haha.. =)

In a SUPER PISSED MODE now...

SOmetimes I wonder why parents don't trust their kids!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! When i asked daddy why he didn't lend me his car on thurs, he gave me a stupid reply "cos i dun like u to drive at night." What crap!!! the point is, everytime i drive now, is ALWAYS at night, cos in the mornings i'm in school!!!!! And, mum and her usual "I don't like u to drive" answers.. IS DRIVING ME NUTSS!!!!! When we were talking about drving up to church cAmp, I said, I'll drive up from Singapore to the halfway mark before reaching Malacca, and guess what she said? NO!! (No prizes for guessing it right)... What the S***. And when I asked why, she said the causeway is has too many cars, too busy, you can't drive. I mean, if i never get to drive on a road with too many cars, when ever will i get to drive on a road with too many cars?!??!?!?!?!?!!? Point is, if she won't let me drive now, she NEVER EVER will in the future. I mean, it's logic. If u can't even TRUST me now, and give me a chance to LEARN, then, when will u ever trust me??? When I'm old enough and buy I own car??? Then she will go like "Ok, now u can drive ur dad's car to more busy places... But, u can't drive ur own car alone to more busy places, cos it's dangerous." That's her for the record!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Somehow, she has this inclination and tendency to WASTE RESOURCES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There's an idiom that goes "failure is the mother of success".. But, apparently to them, it's more like..."you MUST never fail! Or else, you will NEVER achieve success." It;s not like out to crash the car or something!!! And, I somehow hate to say, BUT, I have this nagging feeling that why mum doesn't allow me to drive in those situations, it's because she's AFRAID, SCARED, TOO TIMID and LACK SELF-CONFIDENCE to drive to these types of CHALLENGING PLACES. So, in a bid to cover up her fear, timidity and low self esteem in these types of CHALLENGING SITUATIONS, she FORBIDS me from driving, to show her superiority over me. She suppresses my want to learn new things, want to face up to new challenges and see how I can overcome them, all because of her pride that she MUST be better than me as my mother. She can't show that she doesn't know how to do things which I learn in 1 year, in which she has had the chance to learn in more than 20 years, but just never took the chance up. There is so much injustice in this house!!!

In everything, mum ALWAYS has the last say. Dad and I can't disagree. Disagreeing means HELL for us. What type of authority is this? It's called blackmailing and forced authority. And I hate it even more so when dad asks me to "SHUT UP" in a shouting manner when mum and I are arguing. ANd the point is, in some of the arguements, I am right, while, in many others, none of us are right. If she is right, and dad asks me to "shut up", I can fully understand it. But, the point is it is not that way. So, I shut up, but with lots of anger within me. So, when I ask dad whether I was in the wrong (and usu he doesn't there reply, because he knows the truth that she isn't right) and then I will ask why he asked me to shut up. His reply? "Because I want peace in the house. If mum is happy (whenever she gets the last say in an arguement and her arguing partner has no choice but to SHUT UP and KEEP QUIET and do things her way), there is peace in the house." Yar, so at my expense, I have to shut up and keep quiet and listen to whatever she wants and her views etc... So, our equation of peace in the house is "Peace= Mum HAPPY, Joanne SAD, ANGRY, INJUSTICED" Talk about democracy, there never has been democracy in the house! It's extreme communism!!! Fine, once or twice is ok, but it is ALL THE TIME.

I keep asking GOD to help me to cool down, forgive and forget... But, all these takes time!!! So, if the next time it happens, and I have cooled down, it would be easier. But, for feelings of anger due to injustice, is SO difficult to forgive and forget especially when I hate being injusticed. And it happens often enough that it happens at the "lag time" where the "fatigue and recover" from the first outblow is not even over... As in biological terms, it is a close analogy to a synapse and nerves alike.

I am still PISSED. I just needed somewhere to let all these out. But, I'm feeling better. God please continue to help me.

Colours maketh Joanne's NoTes when she studies ...

COLOURS COLOURS COLOURS

I managed to do my VB 6 assignment on creating a Calculator program code!!!!!! *grin* ... Hmmm... Then again, I must admit that it was with extensive reference from a VB calculator code that I downloaded from the net. BUt, hey, at least I managed to do some substantial modification to my code... haha... Oh well, that's how desperate I was for the record.

I think I have this ironic love-hate relationship with computers. Oh, how I hate to do the programming for VB6 (all thanks to that compulsory IT module i have to take); how I am such an Idiot when it comes to trying to fix the computer which i destroy and when I have to learn excel.... So, I say I'm a computer illiterate. But, somehow, I end up on the computer almost every other day, checking emails, blogging, loading up images at my latest craze doing endless projects and reports and presentations... And the computer is the most amazing thing to have been invented with regards to projects and research.

Computers, computers... Desktops, Laptops, Palmtops... Do I hate them or do I love them?

Well, for one, I think I can't do without them...

Hee.. Have been really busy doing projects, studying, doing assignments... Haven't even got time to do my tutorials!!! Today I was singing for worship, and after that went for service, before rushing down to town to meet my MnO group. We spent an entire afternoon working on our 3 page report. Not the most productive, but at least finished doing it with regular breaks here and there. And we have an great idea as to what we intend to do for our presentation!!! If all goes well (logistics and time and all), we'll do a part video, part powerpoint presentation style... hehe... sounds exciting!!! haha... We were at the Starbucks near Borders before being subtly chased out as the crowd grew larger, so we spent the other half of the time in BK. It started raining cats and dogs about evening time, and we were totally freezing in BK. Was praying hard that the rain would stop, cos was supposed to meet Rudi and Shirley in Parkway at 7.30pm. Thank God is lessened...

Dinner was at Parkway Thai restaurant. Hmmm.. Food was ok lar.. Shirley kept saying that the food was not as good as that at A-Roy Thai and that it was expensive considering the price we paid for.. haha.. Have to go try out A Roy Thai one day!! Haha.. and We had a bad experience with the deserts person whom we bought the deserts from... yupyup... that's basically my day.. haha...

Time to hit those books again!!!!

Gosh.. I it puzzles me how Bizad people are so quick in signing up for SPP! Are they on the computer 24hours a day???!!!!?!!!?!?!?!?! It was just opened today and now, all the morning slots are gone!!! Stuck with pathetic afternoon slots!!! URGHZZZZZ....

Just came back from dinner with BnS. We were visiting FCBC youth service before that. Hmmm... FCBC ushers are really friendly. At the main door, they were shaking everyone's hand. That's one thing which I've hardly seen the usher in BMC do. One good thing to learn from them. And, their weekly bulletins are printed!!! Not just the normal photostated printed, they were colour printed on the glossy type of paper you'll find in school year books!!! I'm totally impressed!!! Then again, having such a big crowd, it'll definitely be more economical for them to send it to the printers. The worship was technically VERY good. The sound from the band was so much better than the one at BMC (even better than the one at the main service!!!) But, somehow, we all got the feel that it was more technical than spirit led, so unlike the 10.30am service, in which you can really feel that the worship leader is really worshipping. Then again, who are we to judge, right? The youth worshippers were very enthusiastic. Lots of jumping and spontanity (is that how the owrd is spelt? sorry.. too lazy to go check the dictionary). Something that I haven't seen in Frontliners for a long Long LONG time.

God, I pray that you will bring back and enhance and pour out more of a vibrant youth worshipping community on FL. I pray that as each FL comes on Sunday, their hearts will be prepared to come into Your presence and worship you with all enthusiasm and vibrance that comes from within their hearts, and that through their worship they may show their hunger for more more MORE of You!!!! That as they worship, they will not bother about what is on their left and their right, that if they feel like jumping for the joy of the Lord is in them, they WILL jump; if they feel like clapping they WILL clap; if they want to raise their hand, they WILL raise their hands; if they want to bow and kneel before Your throne of grace; they will bow and kneel, that nothing, NOTHING will stop them from truly worshipping with their hearts, souls and spirits!!!! Father, I long to see FL worship be brought to a more intimate level. That, when they clap to the beat of the fast songs or raise their hands, it is not because their friends are clapping or raising their hands, but it is because of You that they want to clap and raise their hands, and may these actions come from the bottoms of their heart. May they mean every word they sing and say in worship. Lord, I really hope to see that every time they come in to worship, they will leave everything behind and just come at the foot of the cross to praise and worship their wonderful Lord and Saviour, who is their everything! Lord, I also pray and ask that each time I worship, I will not just sing the songs, but I will mean each word of the songs I sing, that you will help me to worship you with my whole heart, mind, sould and spirit. Father, as I worship, you will help me to put everything else aside, and just worship you for you are my wonderful Saviour, my shelter, my friend, my counseller, my EVERYTHING, and no amount of praise and worship is enough for YOU!!!!

Sermon was by Ps Willie Crew, and it's gist was about missions and how we should take the bold step to go to the harvest field. It was so apt, as the theme for this month's Frontliners is missions. And, what struck me most was the example which Ps Crew gave about the wheat fields. About the harvest spanning a short period of time, and if the wheat was not harvested by then, all the wheat would go bad. And that was exactly the contents of the video Kin Yew showed last week during worship, about harvesting of wheat fields and how we as Christians should also go out and harvest the aplenty fields out there, before they wither and die. Hmmm.. Maybe God is trying to say something to me, but somehow, I'm not catching it.

Sorry God, if you're telling me something, please pardon me for not being able to catch your message. Please continue to speak to me and cause my ears and my heart to be tuned to the frequency of Your voice and the Holy Spirit's prompting. Continue to prompt me and put a burden for the lost in my heart.

haha.. Sorry didn't manage to type in an entry yesterday.. Anyway, I went to the NATAS fair yesterday to check out some deals for the FL Comm retreat. Haha.. Everyone was like shoving piles and piles of brochures into my hands the moment i reahced that level! haha.. but, i would say it was quite fruitful. Hmmm.. then, went for worship practice. Hehe.. was supposed to help Jolencia and Pet in the playing, but I ended up singing backup.. haha... And then, after worship pract and after mummy and daddy's talk by Ps Benny Ho, we went for SUPPER!! Gosh, I was totally starving by then, cos i didn't have dinner as mummy was supposed to bring an apple for me, which she apparently forgot. We were going to BLK 85 to eat supper... And, when we were there we saw so many other church people there.. veen, ben, gen, uncle cheeky, esther jie jie (who were supposed to sit with us, but things cropped up....). Oh well, that aside.. It was a totally excruciating wait as I waited for my food to come. (Note: there was only 1 bak chor mee stall open that day, so imagine how long the queue and wait was!!!) It almost seemed like ages before the fired carrot cake came. The first mouthful tasted like heaven. ( But then again, they say, when u are hungry, everything tastes nice!! haha...). As I out the steaming hot fired carrot cake in, and started to bite, it's crispiness on the outside and softness on the inside totally got my hooked on the carrot cake. And bbq chicken wings which came after that were more than tasty and juicy. The sourness from the lime and the spiciness from the chilli, in addition to the juice ozzing out from the chicken wing took me to cloud 9. Ok, I'm exaggerating. By the time I finished the carrot cake and chicken wings, I was full! and the bak chor mee was still far from arrival.......

Finally am deciding to catch up with the times. haha... Astri was the 1st one to intro me to this blog thingy, but didn't bother to sign up for one until now. After reading Joanna and a few other's blogs, finally had the urge to start blogging. haha.. wonder how long i'll keep up with this... Was faithfully updating my livejournal for 2 years when i got hooked on it, that was until my old computer gave way... haha... SO, this is it.. my first entry and jump into the world of blogging!!!